A Day in the Life of Cerebral Dad – The Morning Routine

Let’s count it down from the beginning (true story):

5:53 am – 1 year old daughter is awake and screaming 4 year old son’s name. Father pretends not to hear her – proceeds to play a video game on his phone.

6:01 am – Father pries out of bed to intercept happy yet boisterous 1 year old.

6:03 am –  Father changes diaper of daughter who thinks the changing table is a gymnastics apparatus from the 70’s

6:07 am – Failed attempt at waking a (clearly awake) 4 year old.

(T-minus 1 hour until departure time)

6:26 am – debate with son over the proper breakfast food.

6:27 am – cave to 4 year old’s idea to stopping at the neighborhood bakery before school (never again – until tomorrow)

6:30 am – Ask 4 year old to put on his shoes. 1 year old gets EVERYONES shoes.

6:32 am – repeat yourself – twice.

6:35 am – 4 year old is hungry, asking for food barefooted. 1 year old is sitting by the door with her shoes in her hand, trying to put them on -then pretending they are gloves.

6:42 am – Son’s lunch is packed. Son is laying on the floor without shoes. 1 year old “kindly” reminds him by placing them “gently” on his face.

6:56 am – 4 year old finally stops crying

(T-minus 10 minutes until scheduled departure)

7:00 am – 4 year old has one shoe on, while lobbying to bring every toy in existence to school. Father says “yes” as a clever distraction to get the other shoe on. Success!

7:07 am – 4 year old, realizing he’s been duped, falls on the floor in a fit of defeat. 1 year old by the door (trying to turn the knob) rolls her eyes at the 4 year old.

(Departure time delayed)

7:10 am – Both kids are finally out of the door. 4 year old(perfectly fine) asks the Father (who has CP) if he can be carried because his legs hurt. 1 year old is at the car trying to open their respective car doors for the Father and brother.

7:13 am  – Father sighs a breath of relief as both kids are secure in the car. Father closes the last car door.

7:15 am – Father’s eyes open from a deep breath as he relishes in his alone time, the few steps it takes to get to the Drivers seat.

7:16 am – The morning’s silence is disrupted as the door cracks open to two kids arguing over a stuffed animal that was left in the car the night before.

7:20 am – Both kids are miraculously silenced (censored). The father puts the car in gear and drives off…


To be continued…

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